12 weeks and hoping

Well a little over a week and I will be out of my first trimester. It's honestly so crazy to think that I'm done with my first -first trimester, if that makes sense? I still can't believe were actually having a baby. On my more emotional, throwing up 15 times a day, feeling 200 pounds already - days I have hard time understanding why the Lord chose "now" for us to get pregnant, bc if you already don't know... this was not "our" plan, I was on birth control and a baby was not something we were expecting until another 2 years or so. But for some reason the Lord thought "now" would be perfect for a baby ruth. I stubbornly and shamefully disagreed. We live in a one and half bed room apartment, we've only been married a year, we've only been on one extensive vacation (our honeymoon), we've had 2 house payments up until about 2 weeks ago, I failed my counseling exam, I was selfishly not ready to have those "child bearing hips" every mom talks about, and...i hate throwing up. I know nothing about babies (yes i work with them but that's just textbook stuff), i dont know how to hold them, how to make them stop crying, how tight the diaper needs to be, when to start feeding them solids or even what type of solids, umm whats a breast pump,  cloth diapers or disposables, immunizations shots or not, theres different car seats for different ages and they are how much? oh and whats a birth plan? Most of these questions I didnt even know to ask, until after I started asking other mothers, researching online, and reading some books, thank goodness i enjoy reading.

A part of me didnt really want to write that last paragraph, but its true... and if you remember one of my new years resolutions was  to make our blog a little more honest and intense. And even though I think its a crazy time for us to actually be having a baby... the few moments in the day when food is not creeping up my throat and i hear a david crowder or chris tomlin song and the sun is warming on my skin and the Lord provides a me a breath of fresh air... i am utterly grateful for this baby growing in my tummy that He has created and that He is forming to serve a purpose. I am left in awe that the Lord has chosen us to have this baby and to have him/her now and that the Lord trust us to be the parents of this baby. I am so excited to be a mom. I am so thankful that I can put my hope in Jesus, instead of doctors, books, medicine, blogs, statistics, genetics...  I dont know how people do it. I dont know how people function when they put their hope in man, because I assure you man will fail you, man will let you down, man will lie to you and man will disappoint you. I like trusting in God, because honestly nothing else really makes much sense, so I might as well. 

So today, I'm 12 weeks! I got to hear the heartbeat yesterday and my doctor gave me some more medicine for my vomiting and I had a lot of people pray for my sickness specifically yesterday and believe it or not I havent thrown up once today. I'm hoping life stays this way, because if I start throwing up again, I will have to get some sort of pump connected to me to give me medicine all day consistently...this is not an option i want to have to take. So prayers are needed! I only lost 3 pounds which isnt that bad considering Ive been throwing up 5-7 times a day for the past 6 weeks, some days more than others, but chocolate chip cookies and vanilla ice cream have been my go to meal (if that counts as a meal) so i'm getting calories there. =) My doctor was not concern about my poor eating habits and told me to eat whatever I can keep down, which is great because I love ice cream (who doesnt?) and chocolate chip cookies are my absolute favorite. The heartbeat was around 165 which now makes me think it could be a girl... (high heart beat means girl, below 140 usually means boy...this is not medically correct), however the chinese calendar says its a boy and I hear thats usually right. =) As of today www.babycenter.com says the baby is the size of a lime!! thats pretty big huh?!  ahhh my little lime =)