Wednesday, August 17, 2011

4 months shy

My goal to breast feed hudson was 12 months. I really want to use the words, "well, we failed," but in order to sound positive and not feel too discouraged about it i will refrain. Instead I'll say, "I was able to nurse Hudson for close to 8 whole months!" For 8 months I gave him exactly what his little body was designed for. For 8 months, I didn't spend a dime on  food for him. For 8 months, I had no clue how many ounces of milk he received a day.  For 8 months, the only thing I needed for sure when we left the house was a nursing cover and a diaper. For 8 months, I truly felt like I was on the path of making sure my son was the healthiest he could possibly be. I knew exactly what was going into his body, nothing processed, nothing man made.

But thats all over now and honestly, I'm scared of this journey of "food." Hudson has been eating solids for a little over a month now but he hasn't had anything that hasn't been organic and/or that his momma hasn't made, besides a couple of jars of Earths organics best sweet potatoes and peas. And now here we are venturing into the land of formula. I searched and searched for recipes to make my own formula and though I found a couple...they just were too expensive and too bizarre (to say the least) to even attempt to make. However the cost probably isnt too shy of the $30 a week we are spending on our organic formula right now! Thank the Lord I was able to nurse him for as long as i did...I cant imagine spending that much money.

Weaning Hudson was an easy process and everything sort of just happened on its own, naturally, they way i wanted it to...just not as soon. It all started when hudson turned 12 weeks and slept his first 12 hours at night. If you know anything at all about nursing, you know that going 12 hours is not good for the whole "supply & demand" thing. Though I was pumping, taking fenugreek & blessed thistle (natural herbs to increase breastmilk) and drinking body just wasn't responding as well as it would to hudson. I tried nursing him more during the day, but with his sleep schedule it just wasn't happening. I eventually got pretty lazy on the pumping as well. Close to 7 months Hudson started getting his first formula bottle at his last feeding of the day. Then a week later it was the last 2 feeding, then the last 3 , then last 4 and now as of a  couple of days...hudson is an all day formula baby. It was very clear my supply was completely gone. I never leaked, never felt sore, never was full... and hudson would nurse for about about 2-3 minutes and be done.

Giving Hudson a bottle was very liberating and very depressing at the same time. I knew formula wasn't going to kill him and probably not even make him sick. In fact it has made him happier. He naps better than he ever has before and if you know me at all, a well rested baby is a happy & healthy baby. But looking at the ingredient list on my so called all organic formula I couldn't help but think what in the world is: Calcium Hydroxide, Cupric Sulfate, Ferrous Sulfate, Manganese Sulfate, Potassium Bicarbonate, Potassium Chloride... over 50 ingredients. Sure this things might be perfectly healthy for him, but how am i suppose to know?! Unless i'm a chemist?! 

So were on a journey in this home. I want to know what goes in my childs body with every bite i give him. I want to be able to know why i feed him certain things and why we choose not to give hudson certain things.  I know one day he will be old enough to make choices of his own and probably will not always eat the way I would want him to but hey... we can try to instill some good eating habits in him right? 

I mean proverbs 22:6 does say "train a child in the way he should go so when he is old he will not turn away from it." 

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