defeated.

last night was horrible. i mean awful, probably one of the worse nights we've had with hudson in his 13 months of life. and really, after i describe it, probably wont sound so bad to most parents but when you have a child who has been sleeping 12 hours straight since he was 12 weeks old, nights like last night...are... well... worth complaining  blogging about.

Hudson was diagnosed with Respiratory Syncytial  Virus (RSV) this past Tuesday. RSV is the most common germ that causes lung & airway infections in infants. For adults it merely is common cold but for babies especially under the age of 2, it can be somewhat serious. There is no current cure/treatment for RSV, but there are things one can do to attack & lesson the symptoms. The biggest concern with RSV is lack of oxygen & difficult breathing, so to treat that doctors recommend doing breathing treatments with Albuterol, which is the medicine that is inhaled. Well, as you may know by now, i'm not a fan of "medicine" but neither is my pediatrician so I trusted this one. I did a little bit of research on it, talked to the pharmacist about it, making sure it wasn't an antibiotic or a steroid or anything of that nature. I learned that Albuterol is a bronchodilator (whatever that is right?), haha a bronchodilator is a substance that widens the air passage to increase airflow to the lungs! Trust me this is not the definition I received from anyone including the description on the prescription bag, i had to do a lot of digging to figure out what a lot of these 15 letter words mean! Anyway,  so after finally learning what type of "drug" this is, still hesitant, i went ahead & have done the breathing treatments with hudson. We are on day 3 and life could not be more worse.

The breathing treatments have turned my calm, scheduled sleeper, happy baby boy into a totally different child. He is moody, dizzy, taking 30 minute naps (compared to his usually 2 hours), fussy, clingy, crying for hours at a time (yes i said hours), and falling down when he walks, almost like he's drunk. He's eyes usually seem like they are half way close (as if he's drugged) and he seems as though he is having a lot of highs & lows. As a person with a counseling background, i would be comfortable saying my child is on drugs & seems to be bi-polar (i hoping you caught the sarcasm).

So after Hudson cried from 3 in the morning till 5, and woke up again this morning crying until noon almost... i called the pediatrician. They called me 3 times & danny once and are having us come in today after hours at 5! Apparently these side effects are not very normal. I'm a little worried, but also know I have done my share of covering Hudson with prayers of healing & protection so I know he is in the Lord's hands.

Last night, was one of the few times in these past 13 months that I felt like I failed my child. I gave him medicine, i changed his diaper, i offered milk, i checked his temperature, i rocked him, i sang to him, i brought him to bed with me, i gave him a teether, and of course i prayed. For those 2 hours, i felt completely defeated. I had no clue how to help my sweet boy & that is a terrible feeling, for this mom at least.

Well, its off to the doctors office, again.